Spiders made our garden home

A friend of our garden...we had a few of these gals spread out through the yard. They look more fierce than they are. Get to close to their web and they run and hide...unless you're a grasshopper, in which case they are rather fierce.

Mom's life cycle is complete. She relocated her web from our garden to our front door. We watched her catch lots of insects. Every night, she would eat the center of her web and then reconstruct it. On a windy day, a pine needle got stuck in the web. When the winds died down, we watched her carefully cut it out and rebuild her web.

Then along came a male that we missed. The male is half her size and a plain, skinny brown dude. We missed the drama because, in a spider's world, the female rules and gets all the attention. If the male approached too quickly, he's simply became another meal. He has to approach carefully by building a web next to hers, or even in hers, and carefully entice her by tugging on the web strands. If she likes what she sees, they have a sexy rendezvous, then she eats him. Either way, approaching fast or slow, he becomes a meal, but going slow means having a moment of fun for his one and only fling before becoming the main course at dinner.

She must've liked the male that approached her. She carefully hung her egg sac on the side of the house. It's hard to tell in the picture, but the egg sac is hanging and not touching the house. She knew what she was doing. By suspending the egg sac, it's a lot harder, even near impossible, for ants to find a tasty egg breakfast.
After laying her eggs and carefully hanging them, she dropped to the ground and died. If she did everything right, the eggs will remain in the sac throughout the winter, and next spring thousands of her children will emerge ready to begin the life cycle all over again. And if you think a web isn't all that strong, consider that egg sac will hang, suspended, all winter and through every winter storm and never fall to the ground. If it does fall to the ground, it'll become a tasty meal for ants or other insects or even marauding shrews or mice.

 

 

Mom 

 

Next year's generation

© 2012
Mark Darien
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What the heck is a "love expert"?

On the radio I heard a clip to watch the local news because a "love expert" was going to talk about love. Really? A love expert? Do you go to school and get a degree for that?


Of all the unexplained mysteries of the world, love has to top the list. With its many facets, we spend a lifetime trying to understand and explain love. Poets define it in flowery words. Musicians put it to music. Artists add color to it. Psychologists analyize it. Doctors scan the brain for it. Most people accept, stumble, and fumble with it.

Let's go retro back to the 70s for a minute.

Love is...
...happiness and sadness at the same time
...comforting and upsetting at the same time
...ego booster and heart breaker at the same time
...euphoric and depressive at the same time
...intimate and lonely at the same time
...altruistic and selfish at the same time
...as one and schizophrenic at the same time
...everywhere and nowhere at the same time

After spending a lifetime trying to understand love, in the end, the realization that we never really did understand it nor did we ever really define it smacks us up side the head like a wet flounder.

With all of its incongruencies, how can anyone claim to be "an expert on love"? A fisherman, perhaps? They get smacked up side the head by a wet flounder all the time.
 
© 2012
Mark Darien
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Same sex marriage repercussions

Interesting night. I stopped by our one and only local bar for a beer. One of the regulars started talking to me. He asked, "Where's you're buddy?"


I answered he was home, asleep, but Jack (let's call him that) started apologizing for calling Keith a "buddy". He struggled with finding a term to call him.

I cut him off and asked, "Did you know Keith and I were together when we first met you here six years ago?"

Jack answered, "Yes."

"So now we can legally marry, what's the problem?"

Jack pointed across the bar and said, "See the blond in the black sweatshirt? That's my wife. If I wanted to point you and Keith out, what would I say? That's husband and husband? Partners? Spouses?"

"What does it matter? Point us out in anyway you want."

"You're good guys. I mean, we shared burgers on the grill at your house after the bar closed. I just don't know what to say without offending you."

"You knew Keith and I were together in that way when we first met you, right?"

"Yes."

"What's this difference now? Because we can legally marry, that somehow changes things?"

"No, I just don't want to offend you and Keith."

"Then be Jack, the Jack we've known for the last six years."

We talked some more and Jack was astounded by the fact that Keith and I have been together for the last twelve years.

"Wow, that's a long time. I didn't think guys like you could stay together like that."

"How long have you been with your wife?"

"Twenty-four years."

"Why that long? You're standing here, drunk off your feet talking to me, and she's across the bar as if she doesn't know you. What is it that you and her love each other so much that you committed to each other for the last twenty-four years?"

Jack looked at me through his drunk eyes, but with some thought. "Love is what it is and we can't control it."

"And, Jack, That's what Keith and I have no matter what anyone else calls it."

Jack bought me another beer and he just couldn't let the topic go. Ahh, the life of a drunk. So me being me excused myself for a minute and walked to the other side of the bar where Jack's wife sat.

"Would you mind if I picked your husband up tonight?"

"Oh Hell, yeah. Take him home and keep him."

I went back to Jack and told him his wife didn't mind if I I picked him up.

"Really? That don't sound right."

Jack stumbled over to talk to his wife. While he talked to his wife, I finished my beer and went to the mens room. When I came out, Jack and his wife were gone. Considering they left an hour and a half before last call, I reckon Jack quickly learned to appreciate, and love, his wife even more.

So, if Keith and I do get married, which we problay won't because he ain't asked me yet, how would we refer to each other? Spouse is good, but too generic and emotionally detached. Husband is too sexist because the word implies a wife. Partner is good if we were cowboys or venturing into a business together. Other half sounds schizophrenic. Significant other lacks the deep emotional bond.

Dangit, Keith and I can't get married because there's no meaningful word to describe our relationship. Anybody got any ideas of a new word to describe two married guys?

© 2012
Mark Darien
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Question 6 - Marriage Equality Act - How will you vote, Part III

Opponents to same sex marriage have launched a campaign to repeal Maryland's same sex marriage law. With typical, and predictable, religious bigotry, they are trying to convince Marylanders that marriage has traditionally been defined as between a man and a woman and children do best when raised by a married man and a woman. We don't have the fancy resources to make fancy commercials, but we offer an alternative view to their message that has been missing on Delmarva.

© 2012
Mark Darien
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Question 6 – How will you vote? (Part II)

As the election nears, Marylanders will, undoubtedly, be bombarded with advertising telling you why you shouldn’t vote “yes” on Question 6. Voting yes on Question 6 means you support the Marriage Equality Act, the law that will allow same sex marriage in Maryland. Here’s a break down of the arguments opposing Question 6 that you’re likely to hear.

God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

Of course, there are hundreds of variations of this argument, complete with Scripture quotes, but all of them boil down to one basic argument – God says homosexuality is an abomination so we shouldn’t legalize it.

Without going into a whole theological debate, let’s agree that God thinks homosexuality is an abomination. The bottom line is we don’t base our laws solely on what we (or some) believe God thinks. If we did, we’d be a theocracy, and we only have to look as far as the Middle East to see how well theocracies work.

That’s not to say the religious argument is without merit. If your religious belief were that same sex couples are not blessed in God’s eyes, then certainly you would want a law that doesn’t infringe on your religious beliefs. The Marriage Equality Act took that into account and expressly forbids a requirement of clergy performing same sex marriage ceremonies or a Church offering its facilities for the celebration of a same sex marriage.

You, nor your Church, have to accept same sex marriage as being acceptable in God’s eyes. What Question 6 does ask, outside of your theological beliefs, should a same sex couple be allowed to marry in a civil ceremony.

We shouldn’t reward behavioral or lifestyle choices.

This is the age-old question – is homosexuality a choice or an inherent trait? For that matter, is heterosexuality a choice or an inherent trait?

The argument goes along the lines that heterosexuality is normal, an inherent trait, that drives us, and all species, to have children and continue on. Gay people choose to go against their inherent nature in pursuit of selfish, physical pleasure.

Almost every gay person will tell you that they knew they were gay, even if they didn’t know the word for how they felt, since they hit puberty. At the time their friends were finding the attractiveness of the opposite sex, they felt the same feelings for their own sex. No gay person took a test in seventh grade sex-ed class and decided they were going to think outside of the box and choose to be gay.

Scientific evidence supports the notion that one’s sexual orientation has a strong genetic component. No, there probably isn’t a “gay gene” anymore than there is a “heterosexual gene”. But there are several genes that control hormone levels and brain development that give support to the idea that sexual orientation is mostly, if not completely, genetically driven.

Does that mean the stereotyped, flamboyant gay man in a Gay Pride event is genetically driven to act the way he does? Of course not. That would be like saying any woman in Mardi Gras is genetically driven to flash her breasts for the reward of beads.

What it does say is that God (or genetics, depending upon your beliefs) gave us the greatest gift of all – the need to love and be loved. What we, as individuals, find in our heart to be our life long soul mate, the one who we will love and cherish until death do us part, shouldn’t be legislated by others who don’t approve of the love.

No one has the right to redefine marriage.

That argument is the furthest thing from the truth. When Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden, incest was the norm. We forbid immediate family members from marrying today, and rightly so. Historically, polygamy was the norm and supported in our Bible. Today, rightly so, we forbid polygamous marriages. In fact, the Bible describes six forms of marriage, of which only one we accept today. So, yes, we have had no problem redefining marriage.

The Supreme Court, in 1967, was faced with the question of who can and cannot marry. Many states forbade the marriage of a Black person to a White person. In their ruling, in Loving vs Virginia, the Supreme Court made two significant decisions. The first was that the right to marry was a basic civil right afforded to any two people. The second was that a state could deny a marriage only if the state could show a compelling reason.

A state can easily show that a brother and sister marrying could result in children with severe genetic handicaps. That’s a pretty compelling reason to deny immediate family members from marrying. A state could also show that a man married to more than one woman could result in children he could not financially support, not to mention the emotional neglect necessary for a healthy family. That’s a pretty compelling reason to deny polygamy.

What compelling reason would a state have to deny a same sex marriage?

There are an estimated 6 – 14 million children being raised by same sex parents. Studies show that these children not only are equal to their peers in intellectual and emotional growth, but also are often “more balanced” than their peers. In fact, their biggest obstacle is not that they have two Dads or two Moms. Their biggest obstacle is dealing with the prejudices of their peers and other parents because “traditional parents” aren’t raising them.

What compelling reason can you come up with to justify denying two same sex people from marrying? When answering this question, remember, you have to come up with measurable harm the state would suffer, the key word being, measurable.

Children do best when raised by a married Mom and Dad.

This is a smoke screen argument designed to denigrate not only same sex couples, but also single parents. As already mentioned, studies don’t support this argument.

The general gist of the argument is based on the notion that if two men are raising a child, the child is deprived of a female role model. Conversely, if two women are raising a child, the child is deprived of a male role model.

What this argument does is assume that children are raised in a vacuum. They’ll grow up to be just like Mom and Dad, so if you don’t have the proper role models, the child will not grow up “normal.”

Here’s a surprise fact. Just like heterosexual couples, same sex couples have extended families and friends who help in the raising of a child. There are plenty of role models in a child’s life for him or her to learn from. There are grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. When the child is old enough to go to school, there are friends and their families. Role models abound. Sure, Bob, being raised by two Moms, might grow up and think it’s normal for him to cook dinner once in awhile… and that’s a bad thing? Or Suzie, being raised by two Dads, might grow up and think it’s perfectly normal for her to change a flat tire… and that’s a bad thing?

Children do best when they have a family who loves and supports them. It really is that simple.

Come this November, once you wade through all the empty rhetoric, how will you vote on Question 6?



© 2012
Mark Darien
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Question 6 – How will you vote?

In a few weeks, Marylanders have the opportunity to vote on Question 6 – The Marriage Equality Act. Voting, “yes”, means you support the right of gay and lesbian couples to be able to legally marry.

Opponents of Question 6 have already hit the airwaves with ads encouraging you to vote, “no”. They don’t want marriage “redefined” and plead that marriage is for the sake of the next generation because children should be raised by the “ideal parents”, meaning a mother and a father.

Unwittingly, they have given you a good reason to vote “yes” on question 6. Numbers are hard to come by, but there are an estimated 6 to 14 million children being raised by same sex couples nationwide. Same sex couples are also raising an estimated 4% of adopted children. You can bet a sizable number of children with same sex parents are being raised here in Maryland.

Legal marriage bestows a lot of rights and support to a married couple and to the children. In fact, there are some 1,200 federal rights and two to three hundred state rights automatically granted once a couple says, “I do.” In addition to the rights, the tax code is written to support families with children, and health care laws are written to guarantee support for the spouse and children.

What the opponents of Question 6 hope you don’t realize is that by denying legal marriage to same sex couples, you are also denying the legal support to the children of same sex couples. In effect, opponents of Question 6 are saying that children of same sex couples aren’t as important as children being raised by “ideal” parents of a man and a woman.

Marriage isn’t being “redefined”. The Marriage Equality Act explicitly protects religious institutions from being forced to perform same sex marriage ceremonies or offering their facilities or support to same sex marriage celebrations. What the Marriage Equality Act does do is grant the same legal protections to same sex couples and their children as married couples and their children currently have.

It really is that simple.

© 2012
Mark Darien
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Cover Craze - The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Keith really loves his music.  He has collected and made enough CDs to open his own music store.  He made one CD he titled "Travelling Man".  Every song on the CD talked about a state.  As you listen to each song, you "travel" with the Travelling Man to about twenty different states.

I liked Keith's idea of a concept CD so much, I started making my own concept CDs.  "Alien Worlds", for example, is a collection of songs that sing about aliens.  Another one I made is a collection of songs that have been covered by other bands.  Keith titled it Cover Craze.  The first song played is the original song by the original artist.  The second song is the cover version by another band.  My only stipulation in selecting the songs for the CD was the cover song had to do as well or better than the original on the music charts.  I made some exceptions, but I generally followed the rule.  As you listen to the CD, you get to decide for yourself if the original or the cover version is the better song.

Keith loved my Cover Craze CD so much, has has gone on to make seven more Cover Craze CDs.  Even as he is finishing up Volume 8, he is already making a list for Volume 9.  As he makes these CDs, he always says he wishes there were a way to share his collection with others who may appreciate the music and concept as much as he does.

Well, we've started the best I know how.  Share it on You Tube.  We selected "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" by The Tokens.   The Tokens released the song in 1961 and hit #1 on the Billboard Charts.  The song hit #1 again in 1994 with the release of the Disney movie, "The Lion King", making it one of the few songs that crossed generations and topped the charts. 

The origin "The Lion Sleeps Tonight", however, was written and performed by a group in South Africa, Linda Solomon and the Evening Birds, in 1939.  It made a local hit.  The Weavers brought the song to this country in 1952 and charted #15 with their version.  "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is one of the rare songs that we felt including all three versions of the song was important.  In the video below, after a short introduction, you will hear the 1939 original song followed by The Token's 1961 #1 hit most of us are familiar with.  During the closing credits, you will hear The Weaver's version.

Listen and enjoy!

© 2012
Mark Darien
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